One ring to rule them all...

There were some technical problems with "Comment This" which were preventing the page from loading, so I had to pull them off the page. It appears to be working now.

Also I saw "Lord of the Rings" and it's one of the most perfect films I've ever seen. I'm a big admirer of Peter Jackson and his style of filmmaking. Jackson made all 3 "Rings" films on the same budget that the Wachowski brothers had for the 2 Matrix sequels, but Jackson packed more spectacle into his films despite the fact that the Wachowskis had an extra $50 million dollars worth of effects in each movie.

Although I don't know precisely how the money was spent, I expect that Jackson was able to do this because of his inspired use of practical special effects. You may not be able to tell by looking at it, but most of "The Matrix" was generated entirely within a computer, while many of the more dazzling effects shots in "Rings" were actually built in miniature. One of the most amazing shots I've ever seen in any film comes in "Fellowship," when the camera follows a moth to Gandalf, who is imprisoned on top of the tower of Isengard. Then the camera pans in a sort of free fall down the side of the tower, and into the forges below.

In most films, such a shot would be necessarily constructed completely inside of a computer, but Jackson manages to construct the shot using a combination of miniatures and computer effects, which is substantially more convincing onscreen than a completely computer generated shot, and is apparently less expensive as well. I'm not usually much of a fan of DVD extras, which are generally garbage, but the mini-documentaries about the effects on the Lord of the Rings DVDs are fascinating, because they prove that old-school Hollywood magic hasn't been rendered obsolete by computers.

It's a relief to see practical effects used with such precision, especially since, in recent years, such devices have been primarily employed to transform annoying comedians into grotesque distortions of Dr. Seuss characters (Why, God, why?).

However, with the splendor of "Rings" as well as the dazzling "Spider-Man" comes the realization that we haven't really seen the groundwork laid for a next generation of directors like Jackson and Sam Raimi. Both of these guys cut their teeth in low-budget horror films. In fact, I think the canyon where Aragorn enters the paths of the Dead in "Return of the King" might be the same canyon where they found the zombie monkey at the beginning of "Dead Alive."

These days, instead of "Evil Dead," we get goofy pseudo-art crap like "28 Days Later." For all of its pomp and pretensiousness, the closest thing to a theme that "28 Days Later" managed to have is that anger is bad. Whoop de doo. I want my 8 bucks back. Go see "Dawn of the Dead." They're zombies. In a shopping mall. It's about consumerism. Now make with the brain-eating, already. Peter Jackson's "Dead Alive" was a retelling of the timeless Oedipal themes. And it still managed to have zombie sex, a kung-fu priest, a pile of murderous undead entrails, and enough blood to fill an Olympic-sized swimming pool. You can see there that this was a guy who would go on to make cinematic history.

I wish more young filmmakers would focus on how to make a convincing arterial hemmorhage out of Karo syrup, rather than trying to film sexual penetration as a form of social commentary. I am, of course, all for social commentary, and all for sexual penetration. But come on, if this film student wants to make a statement about people's "animalistic urges," she doesn't need to film sexual penetration. She needs to make a film where a bunch of zombies tear somebody apart and eat them alive. That's how you start a historically significant film career.

So Unique!

I thought that the Madonna/Missy Elliot Gap jeans song was the absolute lowest that humanity could sink. However, the new L'il Kim/Fran Drescher advertisements have found a way to lower the bar.

I am creating a new rule, called D's law. It's kind of like Moore's law about computers doubling in speed every 18 months. D's Law states that commercials will become twice as dumb every 18 months. So, for example, the L'il Kim/Fran Drescher unholiness surpasses the dumbness of last year's "Twins" beer commercial, and by the middle of 2005, they'll come out with something twice as dumb. What could be twice as dumb as having to hear Fran Drescher's laugh and L'il Kim singing about how Old Navy Fleece makes you unique in the space of 30 seconds? I don't know. I'm gonna get a TiVo so I don't have to find out.

Thank God we still have artists like Tenacious D for those of us with more refined taste.

Orange

A comment to one of my posts from last week seems to suggest that Howard Dean's statements about America's safety have been vindicated by the recent increase in the national terror alert.

I don't think this is true. Nobody ever suggested that getting Saddam would make the world safe from terrorism forever. But I think it's reasonable to assert that the world has become a much less friendly place for terrorists over the last two years, and the war in Iraq is part of that. I've mentioned before that I agree enthusiastically with Alan Dershowitz's theories regarding terror disincentives, and the US action in Iraq will send a bold and clear message to other governing regimes that we'll be coming for them if they support terrorism, and that we'll act unilaterally if we have to.

So what does this have to do with the orange alert? Well, quite frankly, I think the whole idea of an "orange alert" is confusing and unnecessary. An orange alert doesn't mean we're "less safe" than when there is a yellow alert. What it means is that government agencies have heard an increase in terrorist communications, and are urging people, and particularly airlines, baggage inspectors, and police officers to be more vigilant. I don't think the heightened alert should be considered a failure of the war on terrorism. I think it's a good thing that we're getting this information, and I suspect that other countries are being much more forthcoming in providing information reciprocity because of what happened to Iraq.

I suspect that a bounce in the terror levels around the holidays is an inevitability. There is an increase in air traffic, and lots of crowded events around Christmas and New Year's. The season creates opportunities for those who might want to harm a lot of people. The holidays are a target for terrorists for the same reason the Olympics were targetted by dumpster-scrounging abortion opponents. I'm less surprised that there's been a heightened alert now than I was by the fact that Homeland Security decided not to raise the alert at the end of Ramadan.

Of course, you don't have to be a Republican to agree with the war, despite what Dean's supporters think. John Kerry, who has a very pragmatic foreign policy approach, supported the decision to remove Saddam Hussein. However Kerry has a much more reasonable approach to rebuilding Iraq than Bush does. The U.S. military is much better equipped to remove a regime than it is to build a new one, and an international presence in Iraq to repair the infrastructure and help advise Iraqis in their efforts to build a democratic government would be much more desirable than a U.S. occupation. Bush hasn't helped matters by refusing to let other countries bid on contracts. I suspect Bush of trying to save these contracts for his personal friends and campaign contributors, and I resent it.

I followed a hard line in March, and agreed that going to war despite Europe's objections was the right choice, but I agree with Kerry that now is the time for reconciliation. Getting other countries to deploy troops to Iraq to keep the peace will allow the United States to devote more resources to other objectives, like mopping up whatever's left of Al Queda. American taxpayers shouldn't have to keep footing this bill, and American soldiers shouldn't have to keep paying with their lives.

2 Fast. 2 Furious. 2 Wasted.

It turns out that the Bush and Gore families have more in common than one might previously have expected. The wimpy patriarch suffers an ignominious defeat, but the hell-raising son with more balls than brains refuses to fade into the background! The parallel sagas of two American families... This fall, on Lifetime.

In case you don't know what I'm talking about, Al Gore's kid got arrested for marijuana charges, after being pulled over for driving with his headlights off.

I'm not at all bothered by the fact that this guy wants to smoke some weed. He's 21 years old, and perfectly capable of making his own decisions. Besides, after watching his parents suck face on national television, this poor kid probably needs something to take the edge off. The elder Gore admitted to smoking marijuana, and I didn't hesitate to vote for him. Bill Clinton puffed, but never inhaled. George W. Bush is widely believed to have been quite fond of powdering his nose during those carefree years at Yale.

As far as I'm concerned, Barbara and Jenna were more than welcome to throw back a few underage margaritas, Gore Jr. can smoke a J, and Chelsea Clinton shouldn't have been criticized for being Chelsea Clinton (Rush Limbaugh, I'm talking to you. You're hardly the belle of the ball yourself, although I concede that you have a glorious pair of man-breasts).

However, although I don't have any personal problems with Gore Jr. smoking pot, I am extremely annoyed that he has the right to operate an automobile. In Sept. 2002, Gore Jr. was caught pulling a W. and driving drunk, and in 2000, he was arrested for reckless driving (clocking 97 in a 55 zone). Tipper was relieved to learn that he was not listening to rap music while committing these offenses.

If anyone from the Montgomery County police sees this, I'm one taxpayer who would feel a lot safer if you would give Al Jr. his joint back, and take away the freaking Cadillac.

Just one man's opinion.

For your edification: The spell check wants to replace "Limbaugh" with "Lumbago," which Webster's unabridged dictionary defines as " A rheumatic pain in the loins and the small of the back." I will refrain from commentary on this fact. Res ipsa, and all that.

Correction: Former Vice President Al Gore is actually Al Gore Jr. The impetuous youth is Al Gore III. I shouldn't have messed that up. My bad.

The Israeli Security Barrier

I was going to post an argument about why I think the Israeli security barrier is an effective implementation of the incentive based approach to fighting terrorism that Alan Dershowitz argues for.

However, my civ pro exam was today, and I've spent too much time discussing the death penalty, and now I feel like I have an eggshell skull. So I am going to get drunk instead.

Congratulations and good luck to everybody.

Hey Governor, don't drop the soap!

Well, we now know why former Illinois Gov. George Ryan has so much compassion for criminals. He is one! This model of courageous leadership was indicted on 22 counts of racketeering, mail and tax fraud and making false statements to federal officials.

I think he probably emptied the state's death row so he'd have a posse to watch his back when he went to prison.


In other news, Salon.com hates Jews!. This splendid piece of journalism (the author writes a feature about his aunt! And doesn't use her real name!) appeared at the top of Salon's life section over the weekend, but has since vanished from the page (very quickly for a feature story). They haven't pulled it from the site, yet, though, and you can still find it by searching.

For those of you too lazy to read, on the first page, the subject of the story, a washed-up Arab-Israeli former beauty queen who now lives in Michigan, shares this witty bon-mot:

"Tonight, just tonight, she allows herself to be the Queen of Jerusalem, one last time. "The Jews told me they would take me to Paris, to London," she says. "They told me they would make me a model. And they could have, too, if they wanted, because they control everything."

In Journalism school, that is what we called the nut graf. It's the point of the story. This story has no other purpose except to perpetuate racist and offensive stereotypes and libels against Jews. And just to make sure you get it, the author hammers the point in on the last page:

"The Jews control the world," became something she said often.

In 1999, an Arab-Israeli woman, Rana Raslan, was named Miss Israel for the first time in the nation's history. Raslan was 22 years old, the same age as Amelie when she came so close to being crowned Israel's Queen. Amelie was furious. Just as when she was made "Miss United Jerusalem," everyone claimed that Raslan's victory had nothing to do with politics.

Amelie sat down and typed out an angry letter to the New York Times, where she had first read about the Arab Miss Israel.

"You are just perpetuating that Israel is a democracy, when really it's not," she wrote. "That's a lie."

She wrote five letters in all. Not one of them was published.

Not one of them was ever published! Probably because of the Jews!

My congratulations to Salon.com for uncovering the international Jewish conspiracy to keep nutjobs from Michigan from getting their letters to the editor published in the New York Times. Somebody get this man a Pulitzer!

Seriously, based on my background in journalism there is a very serious ethical problem, first of all, with writing a feature story, profiling a family member. It appears that the writer made little substantive effort to verify anything she said. Then, to publish this woman's paranoid ravings about Jewish conspiracies while giving her the protection of a pseudonym is an exercise in really bad journalistic judgment.

In case I haven't mentioned it today, I really dislike Howard Dean.

Here's my sound-bite of the day:

"Howard Dean has climbed into his own spider hole of denial if he believes that the capture of Saddam Hussein has not made America safer."

-Joe Lieberman


Ol' Joe is prone to histrionic fits over movie violence and video games, which is really stupid. Or maybe not so stupid, since it gives him a scapegoat to point fingers at, while he crawls into bed with the gun industry (which is heavily based in Connecticut, his home state).

I like movies and I don't like guns, so I don't like Joe that much. But I like him a lot better when he's bashing Howard Dean.

My brain is mush

Contracts is over. I hope I did well. Right now my brain hurts.

So I'll just keep this brief, and to the point. There are two kinds of people in this city. Those who have screwed Paris Hilton, and those who haven't. I feel like I'm in the smaller group.

And here's a nice tidbit from the common law:

"He ought not to be responsible for the misfortune of not possessing the highest order of intelligence."
-Vaughan v. Menlove

Gift Wrapped

Well, George Bush got Saddam Hussein and I've got a contracts exam tomorrow. I'm about as nervous right now as Howard Dean must be. But at the same time, I feel like this is a moment of unique opportunity, kind of like John Kerry is having. I just hope I don't end up like Joe Lieberman. Talk about humiliating. That whole Gore endorsement thing must have been like getting dumped by your date at prom, who then goes off to sleep with Howard Dean. Yeek.

Anyway, Saddam, contracts. Yada. Out.

When I can't stare at a casebook any longer, this is what I stare at.

Incidentally, if you're not studying, these are the DVDs you should be watching:

Alien Quadrilogy: Every relationship has a pattern. First there's the face-sucker stage. Then there's the chest-burster. Then there's post breakup, with the slavering, sharp teeth and acid for blood. You know what I'm talking about. I'm sure you've got at least one ex who pops up when you least expect it to scare the bejeezus out of you. That's what's so universal about these classic love stories. Also, be sure to admire the lavish production design. Almost everything in these films clearly symbolizes some kind of huge genital.

Indiana Jones: I am so happy these are finally out. Indy is one of the coolest screen heroes of all time, even if Spielberg did actually steal his woman in "Temple of Doom." And on the DVD bonus disk, you can see behind-the-scenes footage of Steve the Stud rocking his mad game on Kate Capshaw. Take notes, all you lovelorn law students! This is the way to make it happen. Now if only you knew where to get a bucket of bugs...

Sergio Leone's Spaghetti Westerns: Well, "Once Upon a Time in the West" is out on a cool, new special-edition DVD, and the "Dollars" trilogy is out on cool, old crap-edition DVDs. Also, "Duck, You Sucker" is making the rounds of theaters with a new transfer, meaning a DVD pretty soon. Hooray! If you want to make a kick-ass saga of the American West, obviously you're going to have to go to Italy. For shame, John Ford. Actually, you're going to have to go to Japan first, because "A Fistful of Dollars" is kind of a remake of Kurosawa's "Yojimbo." And speaking of Leone and Kurosawa, does anyone else think it would be cool to see a fight between Clint Eastwood and Toshiro Mifune? No? Nobody? Okay.

First Post Ever

Welcome to my Blog. If you're looking for porn, you might want to check the web address. You probably made a typo. No need to be embarrassed, it happens all the time. Next time try typing with both hands.

Now that that's out of the way, I'm a first year law student (1L) at NYU Law School, and this festive time of year, which everyone else calls "the holidays" is "exam time" for law students like me. Exams in law school are stressful affairs, because the one test comprises our entire course grade. As such, most of us are in extremely bad moods. If you're in a neighborhood with a law school nearby, you've probably seen us, stalking around with dark circles under our eyes and a week's worth of beard stubble, and muttering about "parol evidence" or "strict liability." It's probably best to stay out of our way until New Year's.

In any case, I'm creating this little Blog as a break from Civil Procedure, and as an outlet for my general festive holiday rage. The title of this exercise in self-aggrandizement is "Volenti Non Fit Injuria." For those of you who are not in law school, this is a Latin phrase. Lawyers and judges like to stick random Latin into the things they write, so nobody else can understand it. In English, it means "The Volunteer Suffers No Harm." It deals with the tort doctrine of assumption of risk. What it means is that, if you know the danger of an act, and you do it anyway, you have nobody to blame for your injuries. This is what I was reminding myself on Thursday while I was taking a four hour Torts exam.

The rule also applies to this Blog. If you are of delicate emotional constitution or have no sense of humor, you might want to stop reading this, and join like-minded people here .

Everybody else, watch this space. More to come.